February - our month of Help

Now that January is over, i am happy to announce to you that February is your month of help, You will get daily help as David got in 1 Chronicles 12 - 22.You will be helped marvelously like King Uzziah in 2 Chronicles 26-15b and you will get timely and divine help when you need it, just like in Psalm 46-1.

February will see us getting help as we are restored divinely just like the Shunnamite woman in 2 Kings 8: 1-6.

Prayer point - Ask God to help you divinely in all aspect of your life this month in Jesus name amen.
Enjoy these jokes, Yell for help and blonde praying for help from Cool blonde jokes.


Yell for Help:


Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.

After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."

The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together." blondes indeed!!!lol


Blonde praying for help from God:

There was a blonde woman named, Cindy, that was in deep financial problems.
So she got on her knees and prayed "Dear
God, please let me win the lottery. I really need your help or
I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else." She doesn't
win. The next day she prays to God "God! I really really need
your help! I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else."
Once again, she doesn't win. The next day she says the same
prayer; then God speaks to her " Cindy! work with me here, BUY
A TICKET!!"..What an answer to a prayer!!!lol, hahahahahaha

GIVE THANKS TO GOD IN ALL SITUATION

I Thessalonian 5 - 18, says

“Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” . This is hard to do when we are faced with challenging situations but as we learn to do so, we will see God rule in our affairs. Enjoy the joke below, culled from Christian jokes.

After a very long and boring sermon ,the parishoners filed out of the church saying nothing to the preacher. Towards the end of the line was a thoughtful person who always commented on the sermons."Pastor, today your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God!" The pastor was thrilled. "No-one has ever said anything like that about my preaching before. Tell me why." "Well - it reminded me of the Peace of God because it passed all understanding and the Love of God because it endured forever!"..hahaha

TRAIN UP A CHILD..

The world is witnessing a lot of evil carried out by children, This generatiuon is being called a fatherless generation as there is no father figure to mentor them..We must change and train the next generation, we must reach out to the father of all fathers to teach us how to teach our children well, so that we can be like Joshua saying as for me and my house we will serve the Lord! Joshua 24-15, Lets train up our children in the way of the Lord, so that when they are old they will not depart from it in Jesus name amen. Enjoy the joke below..


OGA & BOY

Ebuka told his Oga at the shop to wait at the gate and pick him up after his Commerce exam at the Commercial Secondary school where he was registered.

He was given Commerce Exam question paper and the only question he could answer was question number 3 and it says:

''Differentiate between a Warehouse and a Shop.''(20marks)

After much thinking he smiled and wrote his answer:

Warehouse is at Ojota while shop is at Alaba market.

Then he submitted his paper and went to meet his Oga at the gate.

Oga: Ebuka , how did it go?

Ebuka: It was so simple Oga, question number three
Says: Differentiate between a warehouse and a
Shop.

Oga : And what did you write ?

Ebuka: Well I wrote that our warehouse is at Ojota while our shop
Is at Alaba.

Oga : So is that all you wrote ?

Ebuka : Yes .

Oga : Common go back and put the phone numbers and complete address , boy!
You don’t know That's how you get customers?, ..What a Master and his boy! lol

LIFE AND DEATH ARE IN THE POWER OF THE TONGUE !

The tongue is a little member of the body but yet can be very dangerous if not tamed..out of it comes blessings and out of it can come words that are curses and not edifying..This indeed ought not to be.May God help us to speak life always to our situations, speak edifying words to ourselves and people around us too, speaking blessing always. Check out James 3:1-12. May God heal our tongues and help us to bridle our tongues..may He also help us not to sell ourselves to the enemy by giving out informations that will be used against us..Imagine if Esther in the book of Esther had said she was a Jew from day one..Haman would have devised another method to wipe out the Jews because of his hatred for Mordecai...God help us indeed and save us from ourselves and tongues in Jesus name amen..Enjoy the joke below..

Three Ministers were on a retreat and they were talking about their personal vices/challenges..

Minister A .. i have a problem of anger and when i get angry, i sometimes hit my wife..i sincerely pray God will help me..

Minister B.. As for me, my problem is with money as i spend money extravagantly, and i am even now spending church money for personal use..

Minister C.. Kept quiet for a long time.. so that Minister A and B, had to encourage him to share his vice..so that they pray about it....smiling sadly..he told them..my problem is, i am a chronic gossip and anything i hear, i must gossip about it to others!...lol..hahahaha

JEHOVAH GOD DIRECTS OUR STEPS !

God is God all by Himself..He directs our steps by Himself..no matter our plan..Its His perfect decision to direct our steps..

Prov 16:9 A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps. - No matter what you plan, if its not in God's perfect plan and will..He over rules it..Jonah can testify of this!

Prov 19:21 There are many devices in a man's heart; nevertheless the counsel of the LORD, that shall stand...Only His counsel will stand in our lives all the time.....Mordecai and Esther can testify to this!

Prov 16:3 Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established...If you willingly commit your life to God..He establishes your path..Solomon the King can testify to this!

Ps 37:23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way..God delights in ordering His children to their progress..... Joseph going to Egypt is a testimony of this!

Ps 23:3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake...David can testify to this!

Prov 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths...Indeed, Jesus Himself is a testimony of this as in all His ways on earth, He acknowledged God....So today let God direct your steps in Jesus name as doing so will give you the last laugh over every situation ! Enjoy the Joke below as indeed Laughter is a tonic for the body!lol

Baked Beans

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.

On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: 'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.' He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.....

He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill . I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I let off three more. The smell was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable....

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!' I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Truly Hilarious!