DECEMBER, OUR MONTH OF DIVINE RECOVERY AND FRUITFULNESS

Hey, how time flies, for a reader of this blog, am sure you are wondering like me, how fast year 2009 went by..We bless God for His faithfulness throughout the past months and we ask that this month shall yield its fruit in Jesus name amen.Revelation 22-1-5. Enjoy the joke below, sent to me by a dear brother and friend, its done in the pidgin english style or mode of communication that my Delta siblings are known for ;


Rev. Reinhard Bonnke came to Okuokoko village in Delta state, Nigeria for a convention. He mounted the podium and started preaching the gospel. Barely 10 minutes into the sermon, he noticed that the congregation were not catching up seriously. He called on the nearest man (Akpomiemie) and asked him why they were looking blank. Akpomiemie answered "sir, dem no understand your big English".

Reinhard Bonnke thought for a moment and then asked Akpomiemie
for assistance. This is what ensued:

Reinhard Bonnke:"As it is written in the bible"

Akpomiemie:"As dem yarn for bible side
Reinhard Bonnke:"Jesus entered the boat with his disciples"

Akpomiemie: "Naim Jesus fall inside canoe with him palles"

Reinhard Bonnke: "As the boat was sailing there was a great storm"

Akpomiemie:" As the canoe dey remove naim yawa come gas"

Reinhard Bonnke: " the storm was so great that it was like a whirl wind"

Akpomiemie:"the yawa na die so tay kasala burst enter"

Reinhard Bonnke: " the disciples became so afraid and they shouted master master"
Akpomiemie: "naim liver drop him palles, dem begin hala bros bros"

Reinhard Bonnke:" Jesus got up and calmed down the wind"

Akpomiemie:"Naim Jesus rise up come arrange the yawa"

Reinhard Bonnke:" He turned to his disciples and said, oh ye men of little faith"

Akpomiemie: “Na so Jesus look him palles, shake him head say UNA FALL MY HAND "

Reinhard Bonnke:“the disciples replied and said what manner of man is this?

Akpomiemie:him palles come hala say sho.. bro J, which levels? , YOU BE WINSH?" Lol

TIME TO PRAY UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS

Hello there,its been a while, but thank God i am here now. How time flies,i started this blog a couple of months back for the sole reason of sharing God's words and bringing joy to the hearts of any one visiting the blog and reading my posts. Today, the 18th day of October 2009, my prayer is that God will give us all the heart to pray until we see the changes we want in our lives, God is in heaven to hear us and His will can only be done on earth if we pray it to pass, so today, pray and you will see changes..Joshua prayed and the sun stood still until he saw his desires upon his enemies..Joshua 10- 13, if he could command the elements to favor him , so can we..Check out James 5 - 17, that talks of Elijah praying to stop rain for over 3 years. Lets not be weary but keep praying until we are made a praise on earth. Jesus is Lord! Enjoy this joke sent by a friend Oy, am sure you will enjoy the joke Nigerian style,done in our local pidgin English..if you need it interpreted, leave a comment!lol

This happened in a Classroom in Warri, Nigeria

Teacher: You Boy, spell "Plantain"

Boy: Whish one? The ripe one abi the unripe one?

Teacher: Shuo !! What difference does it make? Just spell plantain! Abi you wan try me?

Boy: Shuo Teasha, no be fightooo!
If you fry the ripe one na 'DODO',
if you fry the unripe one na 'SHIPS',
if you roast am, na 'BOLI'
and if you soak am come dry am na 'KPEKERE'
all of dem na plantain;
If you cook am, come add pepper and alubosa, na KEKEFIAE - KKF for
siple ponansation. So whish one you wan make I spell na?! Teasha, Tok quick I wan waka. lol, what a student!

October:your month of laughter and celebrations

October is your month of recovery, manifestation, celebration and laughter, the next three months will be unto you blessed months like Obededom in 2 samuel 6:11, nothing shall stop your joy as the sound of abundance coming upon your life is as sure as day and night. God's words and promises will be productive in your life this season in Jesus name amen. Enjoy the joke below and know that life is lived when its lived with purpose with the help of the God of purpose who helped his son Jesus Christ to fulfill His purpose on earth by shedding his blood for you and i. God bless you.



A priest and a pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late! "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by.From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big crash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says, 'BRIDGE OUT' instead? hahahaha, the end is near indeed!

GIVE THANKS TO GOD IN ALL SITUATION

I Thessalonian 5 - 18, says

“Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” . This is hard to do when we are faced with challenging situations but as we learn to do so, we will see God rule in our affairs. Enjoy the joke below, culled from Christian jokes.

After a very long and boring sermon ,the parishoners filed out of the church saying nothing to the preacher. Towards the end of the line was a thoughtful person who always commented on the sermons."Pastor, today your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God!" The pastor was thrilled. "No-one has ever said anything like that about my preaching before. Tell me why." "Well - it reminded me of the Peace of God because it passed all understanding and the Love of God because it endured forever!"..hahaha

A MERRY HEART

Happy new month of July..its a month that God will give you beauty for ashes according to Isaiah 61 - 3.

I started this blog by inspiration from God through a dream and since then, i have been blessed by comments i get from some visitors to the blog.

I am a very positive person with a God fearing heart that believes in laughing, and i have used laughter as my stress buster..i choose what i watch and as such i love watching comedies and other funny movies..doing this keeps me happy and help in fulfilling the scripture that a merry heart doeth good like medicine..Proverbs 17 - 22.

So join me in laughing your way out of the worries of life.. Bridget Elesin laughs even as God laughs.. see Psalm 2 vs 4a - He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh ! Enjoy the joke below

Did you hear about the man who was looking for a job? He noticed there was an opening at the local zoo. Upon inquiry, he discovered the zoo had a very unusual position that they wanted to fill. Apparently their gorilla had died, and until they could get a new one, they needed someone to dress up in a gorilla suit and act like a gorilla for a few days. He was to just sit, eat, and sleep. Of course, his identity would be kept a secret, and no one would be the wiser, thanks to a very fine gorilla suit. The zoo offered good pay for this job, so the man decided to do it. He tried on the suit and sure enough, he looked just like a gorilla.

They led him to the cage; he took a position at the back of the cage and pretended to sleep. But after a while, he got tired of sitting so he walked around a little bit, jumped up and down and tried a few gorilla noises. The people watching him seemed to really like that. When he would move or jump around, they would clap and cheer and throw him peanuts. And the man loved peanuts.

So he jumped around some more and tried climbing a tree. That seemed to really get the crowd excited. They threw more peanuts. Playing to the crowd, he grabbed a vine and swung from one side of the cage to the other. The people loved it and threw more peanuts. "Wow! This is great," he thought. He swung higher and the crowd grew bigger. He continued to swing on the vine, getting higher and higher and then all Last, all of a sudden, the vine broke! He swung up and out of the cage, landing in the lion's cage that was next door. He panicked.

There was a huge lion not twenty feet away, and it looked very hungry. So the man in the gorilla suit started jumping up and down, screaming and yelling, "Help, help! Get me out of here! I'm not really a gorilla! I'm a man in a gorilla suit! HELP!" The lion quickly pounced on the man, held him down and said, Jack, DO NOT FEAR, ITS ME BOBBY! "be quiet! You're going to make both of us lose our jobs" Be cheerful and let’s face this job squarely!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!

TRAIN UP A CHILD..

The world is witnessing a lot of evil carried out by children, This generatiuon is being called a fatherless generation as there is no father figure to mentor them..We must change and train the next generation, we must reach out to the father of all fathers to teach us how to teach our children well, so that we can be like Joshua saying as for me and my house we will serve the Lord! Joshua 24-15, Lets train up our children in the way of the Lord, so that when they are old they will not depart from it in Jesus name amen. Enjoy the joke below..


OGA & BOY

Ebuka told his Oga at the shop to wait at the gate and pick him up after his Commerce exam at the Commercial Secondary school where he was registered.

He was given Commerce Exam question paper and the only question he could answer was question number 3 and it says:

''Differentiate between a Warehouse and a Shop.''(20marks)

After much thinking he smiled and wrote his answer:

Warehouse is at Ojota while shop is at Alaba market.

Then he submitted his paper and went to meet his Oga at the gate.

Oga: Ebuka , how did it go?

Ebuka: It was so simple Oga, question number three
Says: Differentiate between a warehouse and a
Shop.

Oga : And what did you write ?

Ebuka: Well I wrote that our warehouse is at Ojota while our shop
Is at Alaba.

Oga : So is that all you wrote ?

Ebuka : Yes .

Oga : Common go back and put the phone numbers and complete address , boy!
You don’t know That's how you get customers?, ..What a Master and his boy! lol

GOD IS A FATHER INDEED !

God is the father of all, He created all things and was never created, He is God all by Himself and rules in the affairs of men. He does not have a Pyjamas because as a father, He neither slumbers nor sleeps..He is mindful of you and cares about you for He loves you with an everlasting love!.. He so loved you that He gave His only begotten son to die in your place..make Him your father indeed by accepting what Christ did on the cross of Calvary...

Say this short prayer..Lord Jesus, I come to you just as i am, a sinner. I believe you died and rose again to save me. I ask that you forgive my sins. Dear Jesus, be my personal Lord and Saviour from today. Thank you Lord for saving me in Jesus name amen! Enjoy the joke below..

Car horns blaring and people gathered all around, an accident...

a smart alec wanting to see what was going on..started walking close to the scene and shouting.."let me through, let me through..i am the son of the injured....

The crowd parted..only for him to get to the scene of the accident to discover a donkey that had been hit, lying down!.. Son of a donkey indeed! She laughs !

Note : Happy Fathers day to all male visitors to this blog. May God make you a man and father after His own heart in Jesus name amen!

LIFE AND DEATH ARE IN THE POWER OF THE TONGUE !

The tongue is a little member of the body but yet can be very dangerous if not tamed..out of it comes blessings and out of it can come words that are curses and not edifying..This indeed ought not to be.May God help us to speak life always to our situations, speak edifying words to ourselves and people around us too, speaking blessing always. Check out James 3:1-12. May God heal our tongues and help us to bridle our tongues..may He also help us not to sell ourselves to the enemy by giving out informations that will be used against us..Imagine if Esther in the book of Esther had said she was a Jew from day one..Haman would have devised another method to wipe out the Jews because of his hatred for Mordecai...God help us indeed and save us from ourselves and tongues in Jesus name amen..Enjoy the joke below..

Three Ministers were on a retreat and they were talking about their personal vices/challenges..

Minister A .. i have a problem of anger and when i get angry, i sometimes hit my wife..i sincerely pray God will help me..

Minister B.. As for me, my problem is with money as i spend money extravagantly, and i am even now spending church money for personal use..

Minister C.. Kept quiet for a long time.. so that Minister A and B, had to encourage him to share his vice..so that they pray about it....smiling sadly..he told them..my problem is, i am a chronic gossip and anything i hear, i must gossip about it to others!...lol..hahahaha

JESUS SAVES !

I just had to share this...You will see why...Am still laughing and at the same time, i am sobered by the message here! I received it as a forwarded message from a dear friend..

This is one of the best clean jokes I've seen in a while!

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job." So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed. They e-mailed with 20attachments.

They downloaded. They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports .

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off..

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.. Satan observed this and became irate."Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"God just shrugged and said; JESUS SAVES !

Jesus Saves indeed..from Sin, fears, evil, sickness, sorrows, lack. Go to Him today and be saved indeed to become a child of God!

NOTE : Prayer to be saved and become born again...

Lord Jesus, come into my heart and be the Saviour of my soul, today, i ask that you will forgive me from every sin i have committed knowingly or unknowingly in Jesus Name amen! Welcome child of God as indeed, there is great rejoicing in heaven over you.

MOTHERS ARE SPECIAL !

From Biblical times to this present age, the role of a mother in shaping the life of a child can not be overemphasized! Being a mother takes a lot apart from carrying a child in the womb for 9 months..love, care, moral and spiritual upbringing are some words mothers are familiar with..but it takes God to help us as mothers to bring up our children in the fear of the Lord..May God help us to be partners with Him indeed as we care for the gifts He has given us to nurture in Jesus name amen ! Happy Mothers day.... Indeed we shall be praised like the Proverbs 31 woman!

Proverbs 31 - 27 - 29 ..She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: "Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all."

Enjoy these quotes i got from a blog i subscribe to! (http://www.maryfoley.com/)

"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them." ~ Phyllis Diller

"There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it." ~ Chinese Proverb

"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." ~ Calvin Trillin

"My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it." ~ Buddy Hackett

"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie." ~ Tenneva Jordan

Happy Mother’s Day!

THE MONTH OF MAY: A SEASON TO TRAVAIL IN PRAYERS & LAUGHTER!

This is a month, i believe to be a month of unusual grace, as the number five represents Grace..this month, we will have Grace to achieve much and accomplish great things..all we need do is pray, praise God and believe His promises concerning our lives ! Psalm 23, is my scripture for the month..read it and as you meditate on the words there, you will see it come to pass in your life and that of your family in Jesus name amen! Enjoy the joke below and remember that laughter is a medicine for your body, soul and spirit!

Little mistakes are very costly, attention to details matters so much. Check out this one. Check the Verses and See How Small Mistakes can lead to challenges!

A Baker was asked to print 1st John 4:18 on a wedding cake and he forgot and printed John 4:18.

1st John 4:18 reads "There is no fear in love; but perfect love cast out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love. But what the baker put on the cake was:

John 4:18 reads "For you have had five husbands; and he whom you now have is not your husband. What would you do if you were the owner especially realizing the mistake on your wedding day?...lol! HAHAHAHAHA..LOL..kindly leave your comments!

Be blessed and remember small mistakes are not all that small! lol

GOD'S PROMISES ARE YES AND AMEN !

2 Corinthians 1 - 20 says "For no matter, how many promises God has made, they are "YES" in Christ. And so through him,the "Amen" is spoken by us to the glory of God".

Mark 11: 22 - 24 agrees to what i say above
22And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have faith in God.
23For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith.
24Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

2 Chronicles 20 - 20: So they rose early in the morning and went out into the Wilderness of Tekoa; and as they went out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, “Hear me, O Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem: Believe in the LORD your God, and you shall be established; believe His prophets, and you shall prosper!

Lets note that the devil keeps us distracted from reading the bible, so we can not see God's words and promises concerning us...Get in the word of God and pray His promises to pass in your life in Jesus name amen! Enjoy the joke below..

A woman was complaining and saying to her husband that he never says he loves her..in response, the man answered and said..i said i love you, the day, we got married, if i change my mind, i will let you know!..lol!hahahaha

STAYING IN POSITION !

Do you know we have all been created for a purpose ?..we are here on earth to show forth God's praise and be a blessing to humanity! God has brought us to this world to be an eternal excellence and a joy to many generations..,,check out Isaiah 60 - 15....Do all to know this God of purpose and ask Him to help you live a life of purpose with whatever gift/talent, He has blessed you with! Stay in the place of your gifts and calling as you discover it....as it is that gifts/talent God will use to promote you..

David in 1 Samuel 17, knew his purpose and with the killing of Goliath came his promotion to a King! mind you, he had been in a position of slaying a bear, lion just to protect the sheeps under his care..This gift of care and protection of the weak/defenseless coupled with his love for God was what God saw to promote the little shepherd boy David from watching the backsides of sheeps to being a King over Isreal..a man after God's heart! May God help us all to stay in position to be blessed, favored and promoted in Jesus name amen! Enjoy this joke..remember..laughter is like medicine..it refreshes the soul, body and spirit..There is no dosage..laugh as often as you can!

An old Pastor, on his death bed asked for two members of his congregation to be brought to his home and when they came, he asked both of them to each stay on his right and left side..feeling honored, one of them asked him why he chose them to be by his side as he passed on.. in reply, he told them, just like Jesus Christ was crucified between two robbers in Mark 15-27, so i want to be between both of you!!! Staying in position indeed! lol (laugh out loud)!

Note: I wonder if they repented like one of the robbers/sinners crucified with Jesus Christ ...

THE POWER OF THE RESURRECTED CHRIST !

Happy resurrection sunday! A day that symbolizes the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ..this is what defines Christianity..the power of the resurrected Christ..Jesus Christ that is alive forever! Other tombs of other religious leaders have evidence to show that their occupants were buried and are there but the grave of Jesus is empty because He is alive! May the power of the resurrection bring to life, every dead situation in your life in Jesus name amen! Know Jesus, Know Life, No Jesus, No life! Indeed, His death, burial and resurrection is the reason for the good news, we share as Christians! Hallelujah to the Lord for the finished work on the cross of Calvary!

A woman that was in a marriage counselling session, told her counsellor that her husband was a "selfish fox" and the counsellor asked her why she called her husband that..she said.. he won a ticket for two to hawaii and he went to Hawaii alone twice!!!! What a man!lol

APPRECIATING THE FINISHED WORK JESUS CHRIST DID ON THE CROSS !

Its our month of Resurrection and thanks to God for all He did by sending Jesus Christ to die for us at the cross! His love for mankind took Christ to the cross as John 3 : 16 said..For God so love the world that He gave His only Begotten son, that whoever believes in Him, will not perish but have everlasting life...Your believing is appreciating the finished work Christ did at the cross..indeed, we will cherish the old rugged cross and one day, God will crown us in heaven! Kindly meditate on Psalm 107 as you go through this month of appreciating God through Christ Jesus and the finished work on the cross that has given us Salvation, new life, new beginning, promotion, good health, wealth, joy, laughter etc ! Enjoy the joke below, a dear friend sent it to me via forwarded mail!

This one is priceless... A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!!!!

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew toFlorida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Arrived

Date: October 16, 2005

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.Looking forward to seeing you then!!!! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S Sure is freaking hot down here!!!..LOL

NB -Picture: Courtesy Charles Imiavan pictures.

JESUS CHRIST - THE GREATEST MAN FOREVER !

Jesus Christ was the greatest man in History and will be forever.
His birth can not be explained in human terms as He was conceived of a Virgin mother!..(Check the first Chapters of the book of Matthew & Luke).

His mother, Mary's visit to her Aunt Elizabeth caused the baby in her womb to leap.

His birthplace was in a manger surrounded by animals. Shepherds came to pay homage as directed by an angel.

Wise men also came from the east to pay homage bringing with them Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh as gifts.

The day, He was taken to the temple to be presented as specified, was seen as an answer to prayers by a devout man Simeon, who had been told he will not die until he saw the Messiah, the Prophetess Anna too witnessed to baby Jesus Greatness!

At age twelve, He was already sitting among teachers in the temple, listening and asking them questions....

Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master.

Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.

Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer

He had no army, yet kings feared Him..

He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.
He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.
He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.
I feel honored to serve such a Man and Saviour who loves me unconditionally, and paid for my life with His very own blood !.....

Learn and laugh at the joke below!

Why You Should Study Your Bible

Acts 2:38.

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church service , when she was startled by an intruder.. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!' (Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ , so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Whydid you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you...' 'Scripture?' replied the burglar.. 'She said she had an ax and two 38s!'..lol !

Remember: Knowing the Scriptures can save your life - in more ways than one!

JEHOVAH GOD DIRECTS OUR STEPS !

God is God all by Himself..He directs our steps by Himself..no matter our plan..Its His perfect decision to direct our steps..

Prov 16:9 A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps. - No matter what you plan, if its not in God's perfect plan and will..He over rules it..Jonah can testify of this!

Prov 19:21 There are many devices in a man's heart; nevertheless the counsel of the LORD, that shall stand...Only His counsel will stand in our lives all the time.....Mordecai and Esther can testify to this!

Prov 16:3 Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established...If you willingly commit your life to God..He establishes your path..Solomon the King can testify to this!

Ps 37:23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way..God delights in ordering His children to their progress..... Joseph going to Egypt is a testimony of this!

Ps 23:3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake...David can testify to this!

Prov 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths...Indeed, Jesus Himself is a testimony of this as in all His ways on earth, He acknowledged God....So today let God direct your steps in Jesus name as doing so will give you the last laugh over every situation ! Enjoy the Joke below as indeed Laughter is a tonic for the body!lol

Baked Beans

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.

On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: 'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.' He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.....

He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill . I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I let off three more. The smell was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable....

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!' I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Truly Hilarious!

I AM THAT I AM !

God is indeed what He says He is, He told Moses this when He called him in the burning bush..check Exodus 3 - 14...God indeed proved this name as He saved the Isrealites with a mighty hand showing that He is truly "I AM THAT I AM"..Today..He will be whatever you want Him to be:

(1) Lord God- Jehova God (Heb. Yahweh) (Gen. 2: 4; 15: 2, 8)

(2) The God Most High- El Eligon (Gen 14: 18; Ps. 82: 6; Acts. 16: 17)

(3) I AM Almighty God - El Shadai (Gen 17: 1; 28: 3; Nu. 24: 4; Jer:32: 18)

(4) Lord, the Everlasting God (Gen 21: 33)

(5) The Lord provides - Jehova Jireh (Heb. Yireh) (Gen 22: 14)

(6) The Lord heals - Jehova Rophy (Ex 15; 26)

(7) The Lord is my Banner - Jehova Nissi (Ex. 17:15

(8) The Lord your God - Elo Hekko (Ex. 20: 1)

(9) I am a Jealous God - Lord Gamulah (Ex. 20: 5; 34: 13; Jer. 51:56)

(10) I am the Lord who sanctifies you (Ex. 31: 12)

(11) The Only God - Lord is One (Deut. 6: 4)

(12) Eternal God (Deut. 33: 27)

(13) The living God (Josh. 3: 10)

(14) The Lord of peace - Jehova Shalom (Jud. 6: 24)

(15) The Lord my God - Eloi/Elohai (Ps.22: 1; Zech. 14: 5; Mark.15:34)

(16) Jehovah my Shepherd - Jehova Rah (Ps.23: 1)

(17) The Lord our maker - Jehova Hossinu (Ps. 95: 6)

(18) The Mighty one of Israel (Isa. 1: 24; 9: 6)

(19) The Lord of Host -Jehova Tsebaoth (Isa.1: 9, 24; Jer. 32: 18; Ps. 80: 7)

(20) The God who guides/leads-Jehova Nakka (Isa 58: 11; Ps.23:2)

(21) The Lord our righteousness -Jehova Tsidkenu (Jer. 23: 6)

(22) Holy God (Isa.43: 3, 14, 15)

(23) Lord your redeemer (Isa. 43: 14)(24) Lord your Savior (Isa.43: 3)

(25) The Lord who strike- Lord Wekkay (Eze. 7: 9)

(26) The Lord is there - Residing God. (ez.48: 35)

(27) God of Heaven (Neh. 2: 4; Jonah 1: 9)

(28) Heavenly Father (Matt.6: 9)

(29) The only immortal God (1 Tim. 1: 17)

(30) The King Eternal (1Tim. 1: 17)

(31) Father of lights (James 1; 17)

(32) Jesus - Jehova Salvation (Matt.1: 21)

(33) Before Abraham was I AM (John 8: 58)

(34) I AM the Bread of Life (John. 6: 35, 41, 48, 51)

(35) I AM the light of the world (John 8: 12; 9: 5)

(36) I AM the door of the sheep (John 10: 7, 9)

(37) I AM the good shepherd (John 10: 11, 14)

(38) I AM the resurrection and the life (John 11: 25)

(39) I AM the way, the truth and the life (John 14: 6)

(40) I am the true wine (John 11: 1, 5)

Just laugh it off!!!!!!!!

Three men got lost in the forest and were captured by cannibals. Thecannibal king told them they could live if they pass a test. The first step of the test was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."The king then explained the test to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."The first apple went in.. but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the test to him he thought this should be easy. So in they went 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8.. and on the 9th berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples!" ...LOL!

GOD OF A SECOND CHANCE !

Today, you will have a testimony as the God of a second chance is alive! You may have lost all as a result of things you did just like David did in 2 Samuel 11 and 12:1-24.... He had an affair with another man's wife and got the man killed by sending him to the fierciest part of a battle being fought by Isreal, after the Prophet Nathan told him he had sinned, he was so sorry, and though he paid for his sins as God is not mocked; "whatsoever a man sows he reaps"! But he finally got reconciled and God forgave him...the son from Bathsheba became King Solomon, his successor.

Indeed God is God of a second chance, if you will just come to Him and not remain in your sin to be tormented by the devil..Have the last laugh and laugh at the devil as you get reconciled with God! Enjoy the joke below!

A young Jamaican father-to-be awakened the village doctor in the middle of the night saying "Doc!Doc!Come fas nuh! Is muh wife man! She water dun brek man! She bout to born de chile!"

The doctor came over and told the father "Hold de lamp higher! Hold de lamp higher nuh!" The father obliged, and behold, a baby's cry was soon heard. The father cried out: "Praise de Lard! A boy! I's de proud fadduh of A baby boy!

"The doctor again told the father, "Hold de lamp higher! Hold de lamp highernuh man!". The father again complied, and to be sure, another cry was heard. The father excitedly proclaimed: "Is twins!! I got twins! I's doubly blessed! Glory be to God!

"The doctor instructed, "Hold de lamp higher! Hold de lamp higher nuh!" Sure enough, a THIRD cry was heard! The father, somewhat subdued, in a nervous tone, muttered, "Oh. Thank ya Jesus.

"The doctor repeated, "Hold de lamp higher!. Hold de lamp higher nuh man!", and a short while yet a FOURTH cry was heard.The father said nothing, being lost in deep thought.The doctor for a fifth time commanded "Hold de lamp higher man! Hold the lamp higher nuh!" The father then asked; "Doc, yuh tink maybe is de light dat attractin' dem?"

HAVING THE LAST LAUGH!

I have declared this month a month of marching forward and my scripture reading for the month has been the entire book of Esther...a remarkable book indeed, This is one book in the bible that God is not mentioned but you can see His hidden hands behind every chapter!

The story in Esther is that of an orphan who later became queen and finally saved the Jews from the hand of a conniving Haman...she and the entire jewish people had the last laugh as a result of her wisdom and favor she found with the king!

Indeed Wisdom is the principal thing..as we face that challenges in our lives this month, may we apply wisdom and the God of Esther will help us all have the last laugh!

Enjoy the joke below... this is not meant to diss Africans but to show our creative side..am proud to be an African without apologies!..if i was in the person shoes, i may do same as per money to bring corpses from Overseas is more than money for a living person travelling! lol

Who else can do this but an African ! A family in Africa was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from Overseas , sent by their sister. The tiny corpse was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that their mother's face was practically touching the glasscover. When they opened the coffin, they found a letter from their sister pinned to their mother's chest, which read:

Dearest brothers and sisters,I am sending you our mother's remains for burial in Africa . Sorry Icouldn't come along as the expenses were so high. You will find inside the coffin, under Mama's body, 12 cans of Libby's corned beef and12 cans of Luncheon Meat. Just divide it amongst yourselves.

On Mama's feet is a brand-new pair of Reeboks (size 8) for Junior. There are four pairs of Reeboks under Mama's head for Rick's sons. Mama is wearing six Ralph Lauren T-shirts - one is for Donald, Roy and the rest are for my nephews. Mama is also wearing one dozen Wonder Bras (your favourite), just divide them among yourselves. The 2 dozen Victoria 's Secret panties that Mama is wearing should be distributed among my nieces and cousins.

Mama is also wearing eight Dockers pants - James, please get one for yourself and the rest are for the boys. The Swiss watch you asked for is on Mama's left wrist, please get it. Aunty Kiki: Mama is wearing what you asked for - earrings, rings and a necklace; please take them. Also, the sixpairs of Chanel stockings that Mama is wearing must be divided among the teen-age girls there. I hope they like the colours.Your loving sister, Nene

P.S. Please take care of finding a nice dress for Mama for her burial. (YOU MAY GO TO ANY FLEA OR THRIFT SHOP FOR A CHEAP DRESS..) In case you need anything that I may have forgotten, please let me know as UNCLE IS NOT FEELING TOO WELL!...SO FUNNY!! Enjoy your week!

March : MONTH OF MARCHING FORWARD!

This is a month of faith, a month where you will step out, obey God and have a net breaking,boat sinking testimony like Peter the Apostle in Luke 5 : 4 -7. You will laugh as you testify!

Enjoy this joke sent by a sister and a friend! Its written in the Nigerian local pidgin English, but its so funny, i had to share! lol

He who fights and runs away .... Na fear catch am

Pikin wey no sabi em mama boyfriend... Dey call am brother

A rolling stone no just dey roll... Na person push am.

He who lives in a glass house……. Na im pepe rest

A stitch in time........ dey prevent further tear tear.

Birds of the same feather...na the same mama born dem.

One good turn......... na correct power steering be that.

A bird in hand........ wetin e wan be again if no be barbeque.

Half bread………. is better than buns/ puff puff.

D journey of a thousand miles……. Ol’boy e beta make u carry your car go o or enter aeroplane

He who laughs last........ na mumu. Why im no catch the joke at the first time and laugh when others dey laugh?

The patient dog........ Na hunger go kill am.

All work and no play……Na Banker be dat

All play and no work…… Abeg na real life be dat. After all i see as u dey always happy wen dem declare holidays!!!

NB - if you need me to explain this joke to you, because you do not understand our local Nigerian pidgin english.. pls leave a comment! lol

WHY THIS BLOG: BRIDGET-ELESIN-LAUGHS!

This blog was set up by inspiration and would have been Bridget Elesin laughs just as God laughs!...God laughs indeed..check out some of the verses in the bible where God laughed:

"He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh" - Psalms 2 -4a

"But You, O Lord, shall laugh at them; You shall have all the nations in derision." Psalms 59:8

"The Lord laughs at him, for He sees that his day is coming." Psalms 37:13

"Darts are regarded as straw; He laughs at the threat of javelins." Job 41:29

I believe God wants to use this blog to bring healing to people's mind as they laugh at the challenges they go through and laugh at the devil..who presents fearful situations to make them live in bondage! From all the passages above, you will see that God laughed when the situation proved that nations or people were against His anointed, He laughed at the futility of man's effort! SO GET READY TO LAUGH! not just as a joke but as one that knows the outcome of every challenge you face ! You are one with God and a Winner/Victor!

Its my world...am licensed by God to impact and laughing is infectious and a great impact as its the best medicine.....so you will laugh as Bridget Elesin laughs, just as God laughs!