JULY- YOUR MONTH OF PERFECTION, REMEMBRANCE FOR GOOD, RESTORATION AND REST

Welcome to the next half of the year, may this new month be a month of anointing for the oil of gladness. May Psalm 23 and Psalm 89- 20 -29 be your portion this season. May the sure mercies and grace of God be your portion now and forever. Enjoy this hilarious joke below:

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years, they had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the the doctor said she would not recover. in trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95, 000.

He asked her about the contents, "when we were about to be married, she said, my grandmother told me, the secret of a happy marriage was never to argue. She told me that if i ever got angry with you, i should crotchet a doll". The little man was so moved; he had to fight back tears, only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only be angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. " honey, he said, that explains the dolls, but what about all this money? where did it come from ?" oh, she said, that's the money i made from selling the dolls"...hahahaha

A prayer from another wife that read this joke - Dear Lord, i pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods; because Lord, if i pray for strength, i will beat him to death because i don't know how to crotchet!

June - Our month of divine change

This is a month of divine change and like Jabez in 1 Chronicle 4-9-10, we must cry out to God to change any unfavorable situations around us. As we do so, we will see God move on our behalf to bring us to His destined place for us in Jesus name. Enjoy this joke i got from a dear big sister of mine.


WAHALA WHEN YOU VISIT RICH FRIENDS

Once, while visiting a very rich friend, the maid approached me and ... see me see trouble oo.

Question: What would you like to have, fruit juice, soda, tea, chocolate, cappuccino, frapuccino or coffee?

Answer: Tea please.

Question : Ceylon tea, Indian tea, herbal tea, bush tea, honey bush tea, iced tea or green tea?

Answer: Ceylon tea please.

Question : How would you like it, black or white?

Answer: White.

Question : Milk or fresh cream?

Answer: With milk.

Question : Goat's milk or cow's milk?

Answer; With cow's milk please.

Question : Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?

Answer: Umm, think I'll just take it black.

Question : Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?

Answer: With sugar.

Question : Bee sugar or cane sugar?

Answer: Cane sugar.

Question : White, brown or yellow sugar?

Answer: Oya, forget about the tea, just give me a glass
of water instead.

Question :Mineral water, tap water or distilled water?

Answer: Mineral water.

Question : Flavored or non-flavored?

Answer: Abeg, I think I'll just die of thirst.Which kind wahala be dis ?.


This is definitely a laugh! Rich man wahala indeed!


Note - A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A WASTED DAY! Enjoy this month of June and laugh your way to your new level. God bless us all.

MAY : A MONTH OF DIVINE GRACE AND HARVEST

Its five months into the year already and God is set to bless us in an unusual manner this month. The number 5 stands for grace, so get ready to see God's grace in a manner you have never seen it before. I tell you, He will grant you the grace to become all you desire to be in Him in Jesus name amen.Indeed this month, the grace to harvest all God has for you is yours. Enjoy the jokes below sent to me by my dear Sister-in-love, Bobo! lol

Classroom Dialogues...

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : Maria!

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER : Winnie, name an important thing we have today, we didn't have 10 years ago.
WINNIE : Me!

TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am." MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.

TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.


NOTE - The jokes are really hilarious but my favorite is the teacher asking Winnie to name an important thing they have today that they didn't have 10 years ago and Winnie said me! lol! Wow, smart girl..we are all important and deserve to be celebrated. This month be good to yourself and celebrate YOU!
I Love you all with the love of the Lord. Keep laughing and keep your joy in the Lord.

APRIL 2010 - OUR MONTH OF UNUSUAL WISDOM

Happy new month of Glory and Resurrection, its a month where God's name will be glorified in our lives as all dead situations in our lives come alive. The world sees April 1 as fools day but as children of God we see it as a day of unusual wisdom. So this month, wisdom will be the principal thing in our lives to lead us to our place of glory and Resurrection in Jesus name amen.

Prayer point: Pray that Zephaniah 3-9-20 and Isaiah 61:6-7 will be your portion this season in Jesus name amen.

Note: Have a great month and please parents spend quality time with your children this holiday season, ask them questions, know whats happening with them and be there for them. May God strengthen us emotionally and give us the grace spiritually, physically, financially to care for them. Happy birthday to all celebrating this month..Birthdays, anniversaries, baby's birth etc..may we continue to have reasons to celebrate and testify in Jesus name amen.


Enjoy the joke below from jokesnjokes.net:


There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.

As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"

In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"

Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"

The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.

As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.

Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."
Hahahahahahahaha!

HAPPY YEAR 2010- YOUR YEAR OF UNSTOPPABLE BLESSINGS

Welcome to your best year ever, its a year that God alone must be exalted in all we do. We must be led by God's spirit this year and we must also keep the right company, as i heard in my spirit, we must keep Daniel's company, a company of men that fear God, and are ready to do His will always. We must also be a blessing to others as God will multiply His blessings on our lives as we bless others..You are blessed to be a blessing.Enjoy year 2010, your year of unstoppable blessings, restoration,joy and gladness. Enjoy this joke i got from a website..nakedbutnotashamed.com




LIE DETECTOR!

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual
gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to
change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual
purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son,
returned home from school.

Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?"
asked John. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra
credit project," said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table
and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you
really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking
him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly
knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked
her out of her chair.

Wow..lies indeed..lol, how would you feel, if this lie detector follows us around..leave your comments.

DECEMBER, OUR MONTH OF DIVINE RECOVERY AND FRUITFULNESS

Hey, how time flies, for a reader of this blog, am sure you are wondering like me, how fast year 2009 went by..We bless God for His faithfulness throughout the past months and we ask that this month shall yield its fruit in Jesus name amen.Revelation 22-1-5. Enjoy the joke below, sent to me by a dear brother and friend, its done in the pidgin english style or mode of communication that my Delta siblings are known for ;


Rev. Reinhard Bonnke came to Okuokoko village in Delta state, Nigeria for a convention. He mounted the podium and started preaching the gospel. Barely 10 minutes into the sermon, he noticed that the congregation were not catching up seriously. He called on the nearest man (Akpomiemie) and asked him why they were looking blank. Akpomiemie answered "sir, dem no understand your big English".

Reinhard Bonnke thought for a moment and then asked Akpomiemie
for assistance. This is what ensued:

Reinhard Bonnke:"As it is written in the bible"

Akpomiemie:"As dem yarn for bible side
Reinhard Bonnke:"Jesus entered the boat with his disciples"

Akpomiemie: "Naim Jesus fall inside canoe with him palles"

Reinhard Bonnke: "As the boat was sailing there was a great storm"

Akpomiemie:" As the canoe dey remove naim yawa come gas"

Reinhard Bonnke: " the storm was so great that it was like a whirl wind"

Akpomiemie:"the yawa na die so tay kasala burst enter"

Reinhard Bonnke: " the disciples became so afraid and they shouted master master"
Akpomiemie: "naim liver drop him palles, dem begin hala bros bros"

Reinhard Bonnke:" Jesus got up and calmed down the wind"

Akpomiemie:"Naim Jesus rise up come arrange the yawa"

Reinhard Bonnke:" He turned to his disciples and said, oh ye men of little faith"

Akpomiemie: “Na so Jesus look him palles, shake him head say UNA FALL MY HAND "

Reinhard Bonnke:“the disciples replied and said what manner of man is this?

Akpomiemie:him palles come hala say sho.. bro J, which levels? , YOU BE WINSH?" Lol

TIME TO PRAY UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS

Hello there,its been a while, but thank God i am here now. How time flies,i started this blog a couple of months back for the sole reason of sharing God's words and bringing joy to the hearts of any one visiting the blog and reading my posts. Today, the 18th day of October 2009, my prayer is that God will give us all the heart to pray until we see the changes we want in our lives, God is in heaven to hear us and His will can only be done on earth if we pray it to pass, so today, pray and you will see changes..Joshua prayed and the sun stood still until he saw his desires upon his enemies..Joshua 10- 13, if he could command the elements to favor him , so can we..Check out James 5 - 17, that talks of Elijah praying to stop rain for over 3 years. Lets not be weary but keep praying until we are made a praise on earth. Jesus is Lord! Enjoy this joke sent by a friend Oy, am sure you will enjoy the joke Nigerian style,done in our local pidgin English..if you need it interpreted, leave a comment!lol

This happened in a Classroom in Warri, Nigeria

Teacher: You Boy, spell "Plantain"

Boy: Whish one? The ripe one abi the unripe one?

Teacher: Shuo !! What difference does it make? Just spell plantain! Abi you wan try me?

Boy: Shuo Teasha, no be fightooo!
If you fry the ripe one na 'DODO',
if you fry the unripe one na 'SHIPS',
if you roast am, na 'BOLI'
and if you soak am come dry am na 'KPEKERE'
all of dem na plantain;
If you cook am, come add pepper and alubosa, na KEKEFIAE - KKF for
siple ponansation. So whish one you wan make I spell na?! Teasha, Tok quick I wan waka. lol, what a student!

October:your month of laughter and celebrations

October is your month of recovery, manifestation, celebration and laughter, the next three months will be unto you blessed months like Obededom in 2 samuel 6:11, nothing shall stop your joy as the sound of abundance coming upon your life is as sure as day and night. God's words and promises will be productive in your life this season in Jesus name amen. Enjoy the joke below and know that life is lived when its lived with purpose with the help of the God of purpose who helped his son Jesus Christ to fulfill His purpose on earth by shedding his blood for you and i. God bless you.



A priest and a pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late! "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by.From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big crash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says, 'BRIDGE OUT' instead? hahahaha, the end is near indeed!

A MERRY HEART

Happy new month of July..its a month that God will give you beauty for ashes according to Isaiah 61 - 3.

I started this blog by inspiration from God through a dream and since then, i have been blessed by comments i get from some visitors to the blog.

I am a very positive person with a God fearing heart that believes in laughing, and i have used laughter as my stress buster..i choose what i watch and as such i love watching comedies and other funny movies..doing this keeps me happy and help in fulfilling the scripture that a merry heart doeth good like medicine..Proverbs 17 - 22.

So join me in laughing your way out of the worries of life.. Bridget Elesin laughs even as God laughs.. see Psalm 2 vs 4a - He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh ! Enjoy the joke below

Did you hear about the man who was looking for a job? He noticed there was an opening at the local zoo. Upon inquiry, he discovered the zoo had a very unusual position that they wanted to fill. Apparently their gorilla had died, and until they could get a new one, they needed someone to dress up in a gorilla suit and act like a gorilla for a few days. He was to just sit, eat, and sleep. Of course, his identity would be kept a secret, and no one would be the wiser, thanks to a very fine gorilla suit. The zoo offered good pay for this job, so the man decided to do it. He tried on the suit and sure enough, he looked just like a gorilla.

They led him to the cage; he took a position at the back of the cage and pretended to sleep. But after a while, he got tired of sitting so he walked around a little bit, jumped up and down and tried a few gorilla noises. The people watching him seemed to really like that. When he would move or jump around, they would clap and cheer and throw him peanuts. And the man loved peanuts.

So he jumped around some more and tried climbing a tree. That seemed to really get the crowd excited. They threw more peanuts. Playing to the crowd, he grabbed a vine and swung from one side of the cage to the other. The people loved it and threw more peanuts. "Wow! This is great," he thought. He swung higher and the crowd grew bigger. He continued to swing on the vine, getting higher and higher and then all Last, all of a sudden, the vine broke! He swung up and out of the cage, landing in the lion's cage that was next door. He panicked.

There was a huge lion not twenty feet away, and it looked very hungry. So the man in the gorilla suit started jumping up and down, screaming and yelling, "Help, help! Get me out of here! I'm not really a gorilla! I'm a man in a gorilla suit! HELP!" The lion quickly pounced on the man, held him down and said, Jack, DO NOT FEAR, ITS ME BOBBY! "be quiet! You're going to make both of us lose our jobs" Be cheerful and let’s face this job squarely!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!

GOD IS A FATHER INDEED !

God is the father of all, He created all things and was never created, He is God all by Himself and rules in the affairs of men. He does not have a Pyjamas because as a father, He neither slumbers nor sleeps..He is mindful of you and cares about you for He loves you with an everlasting love!.. He so loved you that He gave His only begotten son to die in your place..make Him your father indeed by accepting what Christ did on the cross of Calvary...

Say this short prayer..Lord Jesus, I come to you just as i am, a sinner. I believe you died and rose again to save me. I ask that you forgive my sins. Dear Jesus, be my personal Lord and Saviour from today. Thank you Lord for saving me in Jesus name amen! Enjoy the joke below..

Car horns blaring and people gathered all around, an accident...

a smart alec wanting to see what was going on..started walking close to the scene and shouting.."let me through, let me through..i am the son of the injured....

The crowd parted..only for him to get to the scene of the accident to discover a donkey that had been hit, lying down!.. Son of a donkey indeed! She laughs !

Note : Happy Fathers day to all male visitors to this blog. May God make you a man and father after His own heart in Jesus name amen!

JESUS SAVES !

I just had to share this...You will see why...Am still laughing and at the same time, i am sobered by the message here! I received it as a forwarded message from a dear friend..

This is one of the best clean jokes I've seen in a while!

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job." So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed. They e-mailed with 20attachments.

They downloaded. They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports .

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off..

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.. Satan observed this and became irate."Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"God just shrugged and said; JESUS SAVES !

Jesus Saves indeed..from Sin, fears, evil, sickness, sorrows, lack. Go to Him today and be saved indeed to become a child of God!

NOTE : Prayer to be saved and become born again...

Lord Jesus, come into my heart and be the Saviour of my soul, today, i ask that you will forgive me from every sin i have committed knowingly or unknowingly in Jesus Name amen! Welcome child of God as indeed, there is great rejoicing in heaven over you.

MOTHERS ARE SPECIAL !

From Biblical times to this present age, the role of a mother in shaping the life of a child can not be overemphasized! Being a mother takes a lot apart from carrying a child in the womb for 9 months..love, care, moral and spiritual upbringing are some words mothers are familiar with..but it takes God to help us as mothers to bring up our children in the fear of the Lord..May God help us to be partners with Him indeed as we care for the gifts He has given us to nurture in Jesus name amen ! Happy Mothers day.... Indeed we shall be praised like the Proverbs 31 woman!

Proverbs 31 - 27 - 29 ..She looks well to the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: "Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all."

Enjoy these quotes i got from a blog i subscribe to! (http://www.maryfoley.com/)

"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them." ~ Phyllis Diller

"There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it." ~ Chinese Proverb

"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." ~ Calvin Trillin

"My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it." ~ Buddy Hackett

"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie." ~ Tenneva Jordan

Happy Mother’s Day!

THE MONTH OF MAY: A SEASON TO TRAVAIL IN PRAYERS & LAUGHTER!

This is a month, i believe to be a month of unusual grace, as the number five represents Grace..this month, we will have Grace to achieve much and accomplish great things..all we need do is pray, praise God and believe His promises concerning our lives ! Psalm 23, is my scripture for the month..read it and as you meditate on the words there, you will see it come to pass in your life and that of your family in Jesus name amen! Enjoy the joke below and remember that laughter is a medicine for your body, soul and spirit!

Little mistakes are very costly, attention to details matters so much. Check out this one. Check the Verses and See How Small Mistakes can lead to challenges!

A Baker was asked to print 1st John 4:18 on a wedding cake and he forgot and printed John 4:18.

1st John 4:18 reads "There is no fear in love; but perfect love cast out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love. But what the baker put on the cake was:

John 4:18 reads "For you have had five husbands; and he whom you now have is not your husband. What would you do if you were the owner especially realizing the mistake on your wedding day?...lol! HAHAHAHAHA..LOL..kindly leave your comments!

Be blessed and remember small mistakes are not all that small! lol

STAYING IN POSITION !

Do you know we have all been created for a purpose ?..we are here on earth to show forth God's praise and be a blessing to humanity! God has brought us to this world to be an eternal excellence and a joy to many generations..,,check out Isaiah 60 - 15....Do all to know this God of purpose and ask Him to help you live a life of purpose with whatever gift/talent, He has blessed you with! Stay in the place of your gifts and calling as you discover it....as it is that gifts/talent God will use to promote you..

David in 1 Samuel 17, knew his purpose and with the killing of Goliath came his promotion to a King! mind you, he had been in a position of slaying a bear, lion just to protect the sheeps under his care..This gift of care and protection of the weak/defenseless coupled with his love for God was what God saw to promote the little shepherd boy David from watching the backsides of sheeps to being a King over Isreal..a man after God's heart! May God help us all to stay in position to be blessed, favored and promoted in Jesus name amen! Enjoy this joke..remember..laughter is like medicine..it refreshes the soul, body and spirit..There is no dosage..laugh as often as you can!

An old Pastor, on his death bed asked for two members of his congregation to be brought to his home and when they came, he asked both of them to each stay on his right and left side..feeling honored, one of them asked him why he chose them to be by his side as he passed on.. in reply, he told them, just like Jesus Christ was crucified between two robbers in Mark 15-27, so i want to be between both of you!!! Staying in position indeed! lol (laugh out loud)!

Note: I wonder if they repented like one of the robbers/sinners crucified with Jesus Christ ...

APPRECIATING THE FINISHED WORK JESUS CHRIST DID ON THE CROSS !

Its our month of Resurrection and thanks to God for all He did by sending Jesus Christ to die for us at the cross! His love for mankind took Christ to the cross as John 3 : 16 said..For God so love the world that He gave His only Begotten son, that whoever believes in Him, will not perish but have everlasting life...Your believing is appreciating the finished work Christ did at the cross..indeed, we will cherish the old rugged cross and one day, God will crown us in heaven! Kindly meditate on Psalm 107 as you go through this month of appreciating God through Christ Jesus and the finished work on the cross that has given us Salvation, new life, new beginning, promotion, good health, wealth, joy, laughter etc ! Enjoy the joke below, a dear friend sent it to me via forwarded mail!

This one is priceless... A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!!!!

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew toFlorida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Arrived

Date: October 16, 2005

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.Looking forward to seeing you then!!!! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S Sure is freaking hot down here!!!..LOL

NB -Picture: Courtesy Charles Imiavan pictures.

JESUS CHRIST - THE GREATEST MAN FOREVER !

Jesus Christ was the greatest man in History and will be forever.
His birth can not be explained in human terms as He was conceived of a Virgin mother!..(Check the first Chapters of the book of Matthew & Luke).

His mother, Mary's visit to her Aunt Elizabeth caused the baby in her womb to leap.

His birthplace was in a manger surrounded by animals. Shepherds came to pay homage as directed by an angel.

Wise men also came from the east to pay homage bringing with them Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh as gifts.

The day, He was taken to the temple to be presented as specified, was seen as an answer to prayers by a devout man Simeon, who had been told he will not die until he saw the Messiah, the Prophetess Anna too witnessed to baby Jesus Greatness!

At age twelve, He was already sitting among teachers in the temple, listening and asking them questions....

Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master.

Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.

Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer

He had no army, yet kings feared Him..

He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.
He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.
He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.
I feel honored to serve such a Man and Saviour who loves me unconditionally, and paid for my life with His very own blood !.....

Learn and laugh at the joke below!

Why You Should Study Your Bible

Acts 2:38.

A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church service , when she was startled by an intruder.. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!' (Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ , so that your sins may be forgiven.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Whydid you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you...' 'Scripture?' replied the burglar.. 'She said she had an ax and two 38s!'..lol !

Remember: Knowing the Scriptures can save your life - in more ways than one!

I AM THAT I AM !

God is indeed what He says He is, He told Moses this when He called him in the burning bush..check Exodus 3 - 14...God indeed proved this name as He saved the Isrealites with a mighty hand showing that He is truly "I AM THAT I AM"..Today..He will be whatever you want Him to be:

(1) Lord God- Jehova God (Heb. Yahweh) (Gen. 2: 4; 15: 2, 8)

(2) The God Most High- El Eligon (Gen 14: 18; Ps. 82: 6; Acts. 16: 17)

(3) I AM Almighty God - El Shadai (Gen 17: 1; 28: 3; Nu. 24: 4; Jer:32: 18)

(4) Lord, the Everlasting God (Gen 21: 33)

(5) The Lord provides - Jehova Jireh (Heb. Yireh) (Gen 22: 14)

(6) The Lord heals - Jehova Rophy (Ex 15; 26)

(7) The Lord is my Banner - Jehova Nissi (Ex. 17:15

(8) The Lord your God - Elo Hekko (Ex. 20: 1)

(9) I am a Jealous God - Lord Gamulah (Ex. 20: 5; 34: 13; Jer. 51:56)

(10) I am the Lord who sanctifies you (Ex. 31: 12)

(11) The Only God - Lord is One (Deut. 6: 4)

(12) Eternal God (Deut. 33: 27)

(13) The living God (Josh. 3: 10)

(14) The Lord of peace - Jehova Shalom (Jud. 6: 24)

(15) The Lord my God - Eloi/Elohai (Ps.22: 1; Zech. 14: 5; Mark.15:34)

(16) Jehovah my Shepherd - Jehova Rah (Ps.23: 1)

(17) The Lord our maker - Jehova Hossinu (Ps. 95: 6)

(18) The Mighty one of Israel (Isa. 1: 24; 9: 6)

(19) The Lord of Host -Jehova Tsebaoth (Isa.1: 9, 24; Jer. 32: 18; Ps. 80: 7)

(20) The God who guides/leads-Jehova Nakka (Isa 58: 11; Ps.23:2)

(21) The Lord our righteousness -Jehova Tsidkenu (Jer. 23: 6)

(22) Holy God (Isa.43: 3, 14, 15)

(23) Lord your redeemer (Isa. 43: 14)(24) Lord your Savior (Isa.43: 3)

(25) The Lord who strike- Lord Wekkay (Eze. 7: 9)

(26) The Lord is there - Residing God. (ez.48: 35)

(27) God of Heaven (Neh. 2: 4; Jonah 1: 9)

(28) Heavenly Father (Matt.6: 9)

(29) The only immortal God (1 Tim. 1: 17)

(30) The King Eternal (1Tim. 1: 17)

(31) Father of lights (James 1; 17)

(32) Jesus - Jehova Salvation (Matt.1: 21)

(33) Before Abraham was I AM (John 8: 58)

(34) I AM the Bread of Life (John. 6: 35, 41, 48, 51)

(35) I AM the light of the world (John 8: 12; 9: 5)

(36) I AM the door of the sheep (John 10: 7, 9)

(37) I AM the good shepherd (John 10: 11, 14)

(38) I AM the resurrection and the life (John 11: 25)

(39) I AM the way, the truth and the life (John 14: 6)

(40) I am the true wine (John 11: 1, 5)

Just laugh it off!!!!!!!!

Three men got lost in the forest and were captured by cannibals. Thecannibal king told them they could live if they pass a test. The first step of the test was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples."The king then explained the test to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."The first apple went in.. but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the test to him he thought this should be easy. So in they went 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8.. and on the 9th berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples!" ...LOL!

GOD OF A SECOND CHANCE !

Today, you will have a testimony as the God of a second chance is alive! You may have lost all as a result of things you did just like David did in 2 Samuel 11 and 12:1-24.... He had an affair with another man's wife and got the man killed by sending him to the fierciest part of a battle being fought by Isreal, after the Prophet Nathan told him he had sinned, he was so sorry, and though he paid for his sins as God is not mocked; "whatsoever a man sows he reaps"! But he finally got reconciled and God forgave him...the son from Bathsheba became King Solomon, his successor.

Indeed God is God of a second chance, if you will just come to Him and not remain in your sin to be tormented by the devil..Have the last laugh and laugh at the devil as you get reconciled with God! Enjoy the joke below!

A young Jamaican father-to-be awakened the village doctor in the middle of the night saying "Doc!Doc!Come fas nuh! Is muh wife man! She water dun brek man! She bout to born de chile!"

The doctor came over and told the father "Hold de lamp higher! Hold de lamp higher nuh!" The father obliged, and behold, a baby's cry was soon heard. The father cried out: "Praise de Lard! A boy! I's de proud fadduh of A baby boy!

"The doctor again told the father, "Hold de lamp higher! Hold de lamp highernuh man!". The father again complied, and to be sure, another cry was heard. The father excitedly proclaimed: "Is twins!! I got twins! I's doubly blessed! Glory be to God!

"The doctor instructed, "Hold de lamp higher! Hold de lamp higher nuh!" Sure enough, a THIRD cry was heard! The father, somewhat subdued, in a nervous tone, muttered, "Oh. Thank ya Jesus.

"The doctor repeated, "Hold de lamp higher!. Hold de lamp higher nuh man!", and a short while yet a FOURTH cry was heard.The father said nothing, being lost in deep thought.The doctor for a fifth time commanded "Hold de lamp higher man! Hold the lamp higher nuh!" The father then asked; "Doc, yuh tink maybe is de light dat attractin' dem?"

March : MONTH OF MARCHING FORWARD!

This is a month of faith, a month where you will step out, obey God and have a net breaking,boat sinking testimony like Peter the Apostle in Luke 5 : 4 -7. You will laugh as you testify!

Enjoy this joke sent by a sister and a friend! Its written in the Nigerian local pidgin English, but its so funny, i had to share! lol

He who fights and runs away .... Na fear catch am

Pikin wey no sabi em mama boyfriend... Dey call am brother

A rolling stone no just dey roll... Na person push am.

He who lives in a glass house……. Na im pepe rest

A stitch in time........ dey prevent further tear tear.

Birds of the same feather...na the same mama born dem.

One good turn......... na correct power steering be that.

A bird in hand........ wetin e wan be again if no be barbeque.

Half bread………. is better than buns/ puff puff.

D journey of a thousand miles……. Ol’boy e beta make u carry your car go o or enter aeroplane

He who laughs last........ na mumu. Why im no catch the joke at the first time and laugh when others dey laugh?

The patient dog........ Na hunger go kill am.

All work and no play……Na Banker be dat

All play and no work…… Abeg na real life be dat. After all i see as u dey always happy wen dem declare holidays!!!

NB - if you need me to explain this joke to you, because you do not understand our local Nigerian pidgin english.. pls leave a comment! lol