JULY- YOUR MONTH OF PERFECTION, REMEMBRANCE FOR GOOD, RESTORATION AND REST

Welcome to the next half of the year, may this new month be a month of anointing for the oil of gladness. May Psalm 23 and Psalm 89- 20 -29 be your portion this season. May the sure mercies and grace of God be your portion now and forever. Enjoy this hilarious joke below:

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years, they had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the the doctor said she would not recover. in trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95, 000.

He asked her about the contents, "when we were about to be married, she said, my grandmother told me, the secret of a happy marriage was never to argue. She told me that if i ever got angry with you, i should crotchet a doll". The little man was so moved; he had to fight back tears, only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only be angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. " honey, he said, that explains the dolls, but what about all this money? where did it come from ?" oh, she said, that's the money i made from selling the dolls"...hahahaha

A prayer from another wife that read this joke - Dear Lord, i pray for wisdom to understand my man, love to forgive him, and patience for his moods; because Lord, if i pray for strength, i will beat him to death because i don't know how to crotchet!

June - Our month of divine change

This is a month of divine change and like Jabez in 1 Chronicle 4-9-10, we must cry out to God to change any unfavorable situations around us. As we do so, we will see God move on our behalf to bring us to His destined place for us in Jesus name. Enjoy this joke i got from a dear big sister of mine.


WAHALA WHEN YOU VISIT RICH FRIENDS

Once, while visiting a very rich friend, the maid approached me and ... see me see trouble oo.

Question: What would you like to have, fruit juice, soda, tea, chocolate, cappuccino, frapuccino or coffee?

Answer: Tea please.

Question : Ceylon tea, Indian tea, herbal tea, bush tea, honey bush tea, iced tea or green tea?

Answer: Ceylon tea please.

Question : How would you like it, black or white?

Answer: White.

Question : Milk or fresh cream?

Answer: With milk.

Question : Goat's milk or cow's milk?

Answer; With cow's milk please.

Question : Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?

Answer: Umm, think I'll just take it black.

Question : Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?

Answer: With sugar.

Question : Bee sugar or cane sugar?

Answer: Cane sugar.

Question : White, brown or yellow sugar?

Answer: Oya, forget about the tea, just give me a glass
of water instead.

Question :Mineral water, tap water or distilled water?

Answer: Mineral water.

Question : Flavored or non-flavored?

Answer: Abeg, I think I'll just die of thirst.Which kind wahala be dis ?.


This is definitely a laugh! Rich man wahala indeed!


Note - A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A WASTED DAY! Enjoy this month of June and laugh your way to your new level. God bless us all.

LISTEN UP MARRIED PEOPLE

I have been burdened to pray for marriages recently and the main prayer point is that God will help us all to fulfill our destinies by not yielding to sexual sin. God created sex to be within the context of marriage but as usual, human beings take the path of disobedience and end up with a truncated destiny instead of a glorious one. My prayer for us today is that we will not yield ourselves to sexual sins like Samson did with Delilah in Judges 16, and his destiny of being a mighty man was aborted and he became a blind pepper grinder but we will all flee all appearances of evil like Joseph did in Genesis 39, ending up with a glorious destiny as the Prime Minster of Egypt, thereby saving his family from severe famine and death.

If you are struggling with a sexual sin, go to God in prayer and ask for His help to stop, if need be, ask for help from Godly Counsellors. God help us all and preserve our homes and marriages in Jesus name amen.

Enjoy the joke below that i got from my dear Pastor's newsletter, Monday morning e-votional with Ayo Daniels...


A man and his wife receive a letter from their daughter who went to study overseas:


My beloved Parents,

I miss you so much. I don't know when I'm coming home, but it seems not anytime soon. It breaks my heart to think that by the time I get back you'll be too old. So enclosed you will find a bottle of a potion I have invented. It will make you young, so when I return you'll be the same age as I left you.

NOTE:

"Please take only one drop" "So they opened the envelope and in it there is a bottle with a red potion. The husband looks at the wife and says: "You go first."

So the wife opens the bottle and takes a drop, there after the husband follows. Indeed they do turn 5 years younger. A year passes and the daughter returns home to find her mother young and beautiful, carrying a baby on her back. The mother proceeds to tell her daughter how the potion worked and made her look young. The daughter is delighted and asks about her father. "Your father got so jealous that I was young and beautiful than him that he drank the whole bottle." "So where is he?" "Oh, that's him I have on my back!..
Hilarious! I pray that we will have listening ears to hear God's instructions at all times.God bless

.

MAY : A MONTH OF DIVINE GRACE AND HARVEST

Its five months into the year already and God is set to bless us in an unusual manner this month. The number 5 stands for grace, so get ready to see God's grace in a manner you have never seen it before. I tell you, He will grant you the grace to become all you desire to be in Him in Jesus name amen.Indeed this month, the grace to harvest all God has for you is yours. Enjoy the jokes below sent to me by my dear Sister-in-love, Bobo! lol

Classroom Dialogues...

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : Maria!

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER : Winnie, name an important thing we have today, we didn't have 10 years ago.
WINNIE : Me!

TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am." MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.

TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.


NOTE - The jokes are really hilarious but my favorite is the teacher asking Winnie to name an important thing they have today that they didn't have 10 years ago and Winnie said me! lol! Wow, smart girl..we are all important and deserve to be celebrated. This month be good to yourself and celebrate YOU!
I Love you all with the love of the Lord. Keep laughing and keep your joy in the Lord.

APRIL 2010 - OUR MONTH OF UNUSUAL WISDOM

Happy new month of Glory and Resurrection, its a month where God's name will be glorified in our lives as all dead situations in our lives come alive. The world sees April 1 as fools day but as children of God we see it as a day of unusual wisdom. So this month, wisdom will be the principal thing in our lives to lead us to our place of glory and Resurrection in Jesus name amen.

Prayer point: Pray that Zephaniah 3-9-20 and Isaiah 61:6-7 will be your portion this season in Jesus name amen.

Note: Have a great month and please parents spend quality time with your children this holiday season, ask them questions, know whats happening with them and be there for them. May God strengthen us emotionally and give us the grace spiritually, physically, financially to care for them. Happy birthday to all celebrating this month..Birthdays, anniversaries, baby's birth etc..may we continue to have reasons to celebrate and testify in Jesus name amen.


Enjoy the joke below from jokesnjokes.net:


There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.

As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"

In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"

Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"

The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.

As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.

Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."
Hahahahahahahaha!

February - our month of Help

Now that January is over, i am happy to announce to you that February is your month of help, You will get daily help as David got in 1 Chronicles 12 - 22.You will be helped marvelously like King Uzziah in 2 Chronicles 26-15b and you will get timely and divine help when you need it, just like in Psalm 46-1.

February will see us getting help as we are restored divinely just like the Shunnamite woman in 2 Kings 8: 1-6.

Prayer point - Ask God to help you divinely in all aspect of your life this month in Jesus name amen.
Enjoy these jokes, Yell for help and blonde praying for help from Cool blonde jokes.


Yell for Help:


Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.

After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."

The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together." blondes indeed!!!lol


Blonde praying for help from God:

There was a blonde woman named, Cindy, that was in deep financial problems.
So she got on her knees and prayed "Dear
God, please let me win the lottery. I really need your help or
I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else." She doesn't
win. The next day she prays to God "God! I really really need
your help! I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else."
Once again, she doesn't win. The next day she says the same
prayer; then God speaks to her " Cindy! work with me here, BUY
A TICKET!!"..What an answer to a prayer!!!lol, hahahahahaha

HAPPY YEAR 2010- YOUR YEAR OF UNSTOPPABLE BLESSINGS

Welcome to your best year ever, its a year that God alone must be exalted in all we do. We must be led by God's spirit this year and we must also keep the right company, as i heard in my spirit, we must keep Daniel's company, a company of men that fear God, and are ready to do His will always. We must also be a blessing to others as God will multiply His blessings on our lives as we bless others..You are blessed to be a blessing.Enjoy year 2010, your year of unstoppable blessings, restoration,joy and gladness. Enjoy this joke i got from a website..nakedbutnotashamed.com




LIE DETECTOR!

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual
gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to
change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual
purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son,
returned home from school.

Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?"
asked John. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra
credit project," said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table
and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you
really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking
him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly
knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked
her out of her chair.

Wow..lies indeed..lol, how would you feel, if this lie detector follows us around..leave your comments.