Its five months into the year already and God is set to bless us in an unusual manner this month. The number 5 stands for grace, so get ready to see God's grace in a manner you have never seen it before. I tell you, He will grant you the grace to become all you desire to be in Him in Jesus name amen.Indeed this month, the grace to harvest all God has for you is yours. Enjoy the jokes below sent to me by my dear Sister-in-love, Bobo! lol
Classroom Dialogues...
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : Maria!
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER : Winnie, name an important thing we have today, we didn't have 10 years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am." MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.
NOTE - The jokes are really hilarious but my favorite is the teacher asking Winnie to name an important thing they have today that they didn't have 10 years ago and Winnie said me! lol! Wow, smart girl..we are all important and deserve to be celebrated. This month be good to yourself and celebrate YOU!
I Love you all with the love of the Lord. Keep laughing and keep your joy in the Lord.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
APRIL 2010 - OUR MONTH OF UNUSUAL WISDOM
Happy new month of Glory and Resurrection, its a month where God's name will be glorified in our lives as all dead situations in our lives come alive. The world sees April 1 as fools day but as children of God we see it as a day of unusual wisdom. So this month, wisdom will be the principal thing in our lives to lead us to our place of glory and Resurrection in Jesus name amen.
Prayer point: Pray that Zephaniah 3-9-20 and Isaiah 61:6-7 will be your portion this season in Jesus name amen.
Note: Have a great month and please parents spend quality time with your children this holiday season, ask them questions, know whats happening with them and be there for them. May God strengthen us emotionally and give us the grace spiritually, physically, financially to care for them. Happy birthday to all celebrating this month..Birthdays, anniversaries, baby's birth etc..may we continue to have reasons to celebrate and testify in Jesus name amen.
Enjoy the joke below from jokesnjokes.net:
There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.
As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"
In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"
Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.
As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."
Hahahahahahahaha!
Prayer point: Pray that Zephaniah 3-9-20 and Isaiah 61:6-7 will be your portion this season in Jesus name amen.
Note: Have a great month and please parents spend quality time with your children this holiday season, ask them questions, know whats happening with them and be there for them. May God strengthen us emotionally and give us the grace spiritually, physically, financially to care for them. Happy birthday to all celebrating this month..Birthdays, anniversaries, baby's birth etc..may we continue to have reasons to celebrate and testify in Jesus name amen.
Enjoy the joke below from jokesnjokes.net:
There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of the sudden he sees this shark in the water, so he starts swimming towards his boat.
As he looks back he sees the shark turn and head towards him. His boat is a ways off and he starts swimming like crazy. He's scared to death, and as he turns to see the jaws of the great white beast open revealing its teeth in a horrific splendor, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"
In an instant time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"
Aghast with confusion and knowing he can't lie the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracted back into the heavens and the man could feel the water begin to move once again.
As the atheist looks back he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man looks at the shark as the huge beast closes its eyes and bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food for which I am about to receive..."
Hahahahahahahaha!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
February - our month of Help
Now that January is over, i am happy to announce to you that February is your month of help, You will get daily help as David got in 1 Chronicles 12 - 22.You will be helped marvelously like King Uzziah in 2 Chronicles 26-15b and you will get timely and divine help when you need it, just like in Psalm 46-1.
February will see us getting help as we are restored divinely just like the Shunnamite woman in 2 Kings 8: 1-6.
Prayer point - Ask God to help you divinely in all aspect of your life this month in Jesus name amen.
Enjoy these jokes, Yell for help and blonde praying for help from Cool blonde jokes.
Yell for Help:
Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."
The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together." blondes indeed!!!lol
Blonde praying for help from God:
There was a blonde woman named, Cindy, that was in deep financial problems.
So she got on her knees and prayed "Dear
God, please let me win the lottery. I really need your help or
I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else." She doesn't
win. The next day she prays to God "God! I really really need
your help! I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else."
Once again, she doesn't win. The next day she says the same
prayer; then God speaks to her " Cindy! work with me here, BUY
A TICKET!!"..What an answer to a prayer!!!lol, hahahahahaha
February will see us getting help as we are restored divinely just like the Shunnamite woman in 2 Kings 8: 1-6.
Prayer point - Ask God to help you divinely in all aspect of your life this month in Jesus name amen.
Enjoy these jokes, Yell for help and blonde praying for help from Cool blonde jokes.
Yell for Help:
Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."
The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together." blondes indeed!!!lol
Blonde praying for help from God:
There was a blonde woman named, Cindy, that was in deep financial problems.
So she got on her knees and prayed "Dear
God, please let me win the lottery. I really need your help or
I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else." She doesn't
win. The next day she prays to God "God! I really really need
your help! I'll loose my car, the house, and everything else."
Once again, she doesn't win. The next day she says the same
prayer; then God speaks to her " Cindy! work with me here, BUY
A TICKET!!"..What an answer to a prayer!!!lol, hahahahahaha
Sunday, January 17, 2010
HAPPY YEAR 2010- YOUR YEAR OF UNSTOPPABLE BLESSINGS
Welcome to your best year ever, its a year that God alone must be exalted in all we do. We must be led by God's spirit this year and we must also keep the right company, as i heard in my spirit, we must keep Daniel's company, a company of men that fear God, and are ready to do His will always. We must also be a blessing to others as God will multiply His blessings on our lives as we bless others..You are blessed to be a blessing.Enjoy year 2010, your year of unstoppable blessings, restoration,joy and gladness. Enjoy this joke i got from a website..nakedbutnotashamed.com
LIE DETECTOR!
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual
gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to
change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual
purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son,
returned home from school.
Tommy was over 2 hours late.
"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?"
asked John. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra
credit project," said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table
and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you
really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking
him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."
The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly
knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"
With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked
her out of her chair.
Wow..lies indeed..lol, how would you feel, if this lie detector follows us around..leave your comments.
LIE DETECTOR!
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual
gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to
change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual
purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son,
returned home from school.
Tommy was over 2 hours late.
"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?"
asked John. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra
credit project," said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table
and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you
really were after school."
"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.
"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.
"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking
him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."
"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."
The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly
knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"
With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked
her out of her chair.
Wow..lies indeed..lol, how would you feel, if this lie detector follows us around..leave your comments.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
DECEMBER, OUR MONTH OF DIVINE RECOVERY AND FRUITFULNESS
Hey, how time flies, for a reader of this blog, am sure you are wondering like me, how fast year 2009 went by..We bless God for His faithfulness throughout the past months and we ask that this month shall yield its fruit in Jesus name amen.Revelation 22-1-5. Enjoy the joke below, sent to me by a dear brother and friend, its done in the pidgin english style or mode of communication that my Delta siblings are known for ;
Rev. Reinhard Bonnke came to Okuokoko village in Delta state, Nigeria for a convention. He mounted the podium and started preaching the gospel. Barely 10 minutes into the sermon, he noticed that the congregation were not catching up seriously. He called on the nearest man (Akpomiemie) and asked him why they were looking blank. Akpomiemie answered "sir, dem no understand your big English".
Reinhard Bonnke thought for a moment and then asked Akpomiemie
for assistance. This is what ensued:
Reinhard Bonnke:"As it is written in the bible"
Akpomiemie:"As dem yarn for bible side
Reinhard Bonnke:"Jesus entered the boat with his disciples"
Akpomiemie: "Naim Jesus fall inside canoe with him palles"
Reinhard Bonnke: "As the boat was sailing there was a great storm"
Akpomiemie:" As the canoe dey remove naim yawa come gas"
Reinhard Bonnke: " the storm was so great that it was like a whirl wind"
Akpomiemie:"the yawa na die so tay kasala burst enter"
Reinhard Bonnke: " the disciples became so afraid and they shouted master master"
Akpomiemie: "naim liver drop him palles, dem begin hala bros bros"
Reinhard Bonnke:" Jesus got up and calmed down the wind"
Akpomiemie:"Naim Jesus rise up come arrange the yawa"
Reinhard Bonnke:" He turned to his disciples and said, oh ye men of little faith"
Akpomiemie: “Na so Jesus look him palles, shake him head say UNA FALL MY HAND "
Reinhard Bonnke:“the disciples replied and said what manner of man is this?
Akpomiemie:him palles come hala say sho.. bro J, which levels? , YOU BE WINSH?" Lol
Rev. Reinhard Bonnke came to Okuokoko village in Delta state, Nigeria for a convention. He mounted the podium and started preaching the gospel. Barely 10 minutes into the sermon, he noticed that the congregation were not catching up seriously. He called on the nearest man (Akpomiemie) and asked him why they were looking blank. Akpomiemie answered "sir, dem no understand your big English".
Reinhard Bonnke thought for a moment and then asked Akpomiemie
for assistance. This is what ensued:
Reinhard Bonnke:"As it is written in the bible"
Akpomiemie:"As dem yarn for bible side
Reinhard Bonnke:"Jesus entered the boat with his disciples"
Akpomiemie: "Naim Jesus fall inside canoe with him palles"
Reinhard Bonnke: "As the boat was sailing there was a great storm"
Akpomiemie:" As the canoe dey remove naim yawa come gas"
Reinhard Bonnke: " the storm was so great that it was like a whirl wind"
Akpomiemie:"the yawa na die so tay kasala burst enter"
Reinhard Bonnke: " the disciples became so afraid and they shouted master master"
Akpomiemie: "naim liver drop him palles, dem begin hala bros bros"
Reinhard Bonnke:" Jesus got up and calmed down the wind"
Akpomiemie:"Naim Jesus rise up come arrange the yawa"
Reinhard Bonnke:" He turned to his disciples and said, oh ye men of little faith"
Akpomiemie: “Na so Jesus look him palles, shake him head say UNA FALL MY HAND "
Reinhard Bonnke:“the disciples replied and said what manner of man is this?
Akpomiemie:him palles come hala say sho.. bro J, which levels? , YOU BE WINSH?" Lol
Sunday, October 18, 2009
TIME TO PRAY UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS
Hello there,its been a while, but thank God i am here now. How time flies,i started this blog a couple of months back for the sole reason of sharing God's words and bringing joy to the hearts of any one visiting the blog and reading my posts. Today, the 18th day of October 2009, my prayer is that God will give us all the heart to pray until we see the changes we want in our lives, God is in heaven to hear us and His will can only be done on earth if we pray it to pass, so today, pray and you will see changes..Joshua prayed and the sun stood still until he saw his desires upon his enemies..Joshua 10- 13, if he could command the elements to favor him , so can we..Check out James 5 - 17, that talks of Elijah praying to stop rain for over 3 years. Lets not be weary but keep praying until we are made a praise on earth. Jesus is Lord! Enjoy this joke sent by a friend Oy, am sure you will enjoy the joke Nigerian style,done in our local pidgin English..if you need it interpreted, leave a comment!lol
This happened in a Classroom in Warri, Nigeria
Teacher: You Boy, spell "Plantain"
Boy: Whish one? The ripe one abi the unripe one?
Teacher: Shuo !! What difference does it make? Just spell plantain! Abi you wan try me?
Boy: Shuo Teasha, no be fightooo!
If you fry the ripe one na 'DODO',
if you fry the unripe one na 'SHIPS',
if you roast am, na 'BOLI'
and if you soak am come dry am na 'KPEKERE'
all of dem na plantain;
If you cook am, come add pepper and alubosa, na KEKEFIAE - KKF for
siple ponansation. So whish one you wan make I spell na?! Teasha, Tok quick I wan waka. lol, what a student!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
October:your month of laughter and celebrations
October is your month of recovery, manifestation, celebration and laughter, the next three months will be unto you blessed months like Obededom in 2 samuel 6:11, nothing shall stop your joy as the sound of abundance coming upon your life is as sure as day and night. God's words and promises will be productive in your life this season in Jesus name amen. Enjoy the joke below and know that life is lived when its lived with purpose with the help of the God of purpose who helped his son Jesus Christ to fulfill His purpose on earth by shedding his blood for you and i. God bless you.
A priest and a pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late! "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by.From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big crash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says, 'BRIDGE OUT' instead? hahahaha, the end is near indeed!
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